Until December

I smile so you won’t see it,

but silence tells the truth.

The safest place I found

already comes with an ending.

I should have known

borrowed moments

still belong to time.

You held me

while the world I knew

collapsed behind me.

For one night,

I remembered

what it felt like

to breathe.

Now every goodbye

arrives before it’s spoken.

You tell me

December isn’t here yet,

but my heart

is already mourning it.

⸻

You speak of another lifetime,

where there are no promises

that belong to someone else.

Where we wake beside each other,

not hidden,

not borrowed,

not counting hours.

I laugh,

because if I don’t,

I’ll cry.

And still…

part of me hopes

that somewhere

the universe keeps

that promise for us.

⸻

So I pull away,

not because I love you less,

but because

every message,

every song,

every meme,

reminds me

that I’m learning

how to grieve someone

who hasn’t even left yet.

⸻

My heart is breaking

before goodbye.

I am loving

through an ending

that hasn’t happened.

I keep wishing

time would stop

at that hotel room—

where your arms

felt safer

than my own thoughts.

⸻

If December comes,

I’ll let you go

the way I promised I would.

Without anger.

Without making you choose.

Only with tears

you’ll never have to carry.

And if there truly are

a thousand lifetimes,

find me sooner next time.

Because I don’t think

my heart

could survive

losing you twice.